I decided that this blog thing might actually have a purpose for me. Instead of finding my soul and searching for the meaning for all the bad crap thats happened in my life, why not turn that around and become a better person because of it all. Why not write it all down, get feedback, look around at the wonderment of the world, and be the happy person I once was, even if not in the same context.
Every time something sad occurs in my life, someone is always there to tell me "well at least you didn't lose a child" or "thank goodness your kids are healthy" or "feel lucky you have three beautiful kids". In my anger and frustration my response is usually that I don't have to pay their bills or that i don't live their life but if I did, that would be horrible, yes. I am usually not a selfish person but lately....in the past two years, thats what I have become. Why??? Shortest version ever...ready??
Divorce, lost job due to untruths about me which have now ruined me, bad car, bad health, rude attitude, addicted to food, maxed out credit cards so my kids could have everything they asked for etc... I truly do understand when people say I need to move on and that I have to stop being bitter. Truly..I do understand it. However, and hear me out on this....I spent 8 years at a job that no, wasn't my favorite place to be, but i was good at it. I was married while working there, had all three kids while working there, made friends while working there, spent thousands on a masters degree to grow there...and in came evilness and it all went away. The job, the security, the friends..all of it. So yeah, I am bitter. What makes it worse is that for over 2 years I have put up a happy front and tried to find another job with no avail. Nothing...nada...and although most companies won't tell me why they won't hire me, a few have mentioned things like "not enough experience in the specific area" or "the gap in employment isn't what we are looking for".....arg....so, here I am, writing a blog, to let out my feelings in the hopes that, in the diary-sense of it all, I will feel better about life. I will feel better that one day happy me will be here and have a full time job and will be able to provide for my family the way a 36 year old, college and life education person should. I am tired of this "woe is me" attititude that I have..honestly...but enough is enough...I need a job.
So.......nursing school here I am..again. I tried for over a year and got frustrated at missing passing a class twice by one point. Thats right, I got a 69% in my anatomy class twice. I gave up..I stopped. I thought that maybe I was heading down the wrong road. I thought maybe I should be a teacher. But then, one day, it hit me. What do I want to do. I want to work in pediatrics as a nurse..someplace. Thats what I want to do. So, I leave all the "woe is me" behind me and work my butt off for these final 5 classes I have left where in the middle of them I can petition into the clinicals portion of school. I can do this....The little engine that could? Thats me...If not for me, then for my three beautiful kids that believe in me. No matter what I do. So what if I have wasted other degrees and other monies on them. So what if I was robbed security and a job for things I didn't do wrong. Time for meto focus on the good instead of the bad. Enough!!!!!!
And on behalf of the Packer game tonight, the picture, although old, represents my love for the state I live in...GO PACK!!!!!
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